5 Ways People Pleasing Can Affect Your Leadership
- Written by Kyle Kalloo
Are you a people pleaser? Difficult to really tell? If you hurriedly came to the answer you most likely ended up saying no.
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However, think back to the last time someone put you down over something you did or were responsible for.
Did it feel great?
Most of us who believe that we are nothing close to being a people-pleaser can also feel the need to want to be nice and please people most times.
Many leaders tend to not be aware of their tendencies to please people. People pleasing can undermine your ability to effectively lead. To be candid, people pleasers hardly reach the peak of their leadership potential.
Although most people do not intentionally set out to be people pleasers, they slip into the behaviour innocently and albeit unknowingly. Most cases, in a bid to please an aggrieved few or look out for the minority, you may end up compromising over and over again just to make sure that at the end your decision is welcomed with a smile by all those you lead.
If you are going down the path of pleasing everyone as a leader, rethink your actions because there are at least five ways that people pleasing will not lead to your desired results;
- You Eventually Deviate From The Set Goal
One important function of a leader is to assemble and lead different people with the aim of achieving a set goal. This is the main reason why they say leadership isn’t for everyone. If you continue to make sure that everybody on your team is wearing a happy grin at all times, you may end up jeopardizing your mission. In the end, you would be left with a group of people that are doing nothing in particular and probably grumbling at every action that does not please them. Surely no leader successfully leads in this manner, because it’s just not effective over the long-haul.
- You End Up Disliking Who You Turned Into
In the short term, people pleasers may appear to be doing good. However, in the long run they know deep down that the results are just not good enough. Once you compromise time and time again for others, you end up unhappy, resentful and disliking everything you stand for. If you ever feel the need to appease everybody, reflect on the legacy you want to set in twenty years’ time, and act accordingly.
- The Real Leaders Will Desert You
Great leaders have an eye for identifying people pleasers. When they get the impression that the team is failing because you are giving in to every demand and pressure, your best leaders will quietly head for the door. In the end, you would be left with a bunch of team members who appear to be happy but actually aren’t. People do well with clear boundaries and respond well to a leader that can make the difficult decisions, even if it’s not favourable with everyone.
- Nobody’s Really Happy
There is an axiom that goes; if you end up trying to satisfy everybody, in the end you would end up satisfying nobody. Here is why this saying is absolutely relevant; When your sole intent is to please several people, it is difficult to still maintain a clear path or order as to how things can be done in actuality. Every time you compromise, you end up slightly pleasing a set of people and totally alienating others. In the end, nobody is actually happy and when things go bad as they likely will, your credibility, even job could be in jeopardy.
Nothing reeks of bad leadership more than uncertainty, doubt and lack of authority. In an attempt to not step on anybody’s toes and keep them all happy, you end up always dithering on every decision and seeking the affirmation of people even when you don’t need to. This will only project the people pleasing leader as being weak and vulnerable to avoidable behaviours from those you are leading – unfortunately these type of leaders don’t last over the long-haul and are usually the first to be exit out of the organization.
To successfully lead, you have to be confident in your decisions and opinions. This is not to say that you must disregard the opinion of others. However, rather than always seeking the approval of others, educate and challenge yourself. You have to recognize that your role is to do what’s best for yourself, the team, and the organization. Sometimes you have to stop, think and ask; what’s the best course of action overall, instead of avoiding conflict by being a people pleaser. In general, people might not like the decisions you’ll make, but they will come to respect the swift actions you take, which produces the desired results.
How are you doing in the 5 critical key areas of your leadership? With an ever-changing workforce, it is becoming more difficult leading self, leading others, and leading the organization. This quick 5-Minute Leadership Style Instant Assessment will provide a snapshot on clarity in the 5 critical key areas of your leadership, find out what areas that require your focus, and what your next steps should be to help uncover 5 customized strategies to get motivated and lead effective teams.
About the author: Kyle Kalloo is the Chief Executive Officer, Business Coach with Change My Life Coaching and Strategic Leader. Through his management training and experience with McDonalds, Famous Players (Paramount) and WestJet, and all of the ongoing learning and development he’s completed, Kyle has refined and perfected skills and processes and is eager to share how to execute them efficiently to help individuals and companies achieve even more of their dreams. 83% of Kyle’s business comes from referrals. https://www.changemylifecoaching.ca and https://strategicleader.ca